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In July of 1988, I survived a sudden, traditional elemental shamanic initiation by  fire during a propane explosion in which I was severely burned. In response to the trauma I was experiencing, my spirit left my body through the top of my head, and flew towards the relief of death. That journey was entirely peaceful, and I floated serenely through a vast, dark space towards an arching shape through which brilliant light was shining. I calmly accepted death, which seemed preferable to dealing with the terrible burns my body was suffering.

My way towards death was suddenly blocked, however, by five large, looming shapes. Having been raised Catholic, at first I assumed they were angels of some kind, but as I gazed at them in wonder, their indistinct shapes slowly coalesced into the forms of huge grizzly bear spirits. The largest of them, who later identified himself to me as Standing Bear, Chief of the Bear Spirit Clan, spoke, and as he did, I recognized him as someone once known, but long forgotten. He asked me to "return to the body", as there was a "work" his clan wished me to do for them.

I said "Yes. Yes, I will return to the body and do the work you need me to do."

He replied that in return, they would facilitate my healing from the burns. Then he leaned towards me, and pressing his forhead against mine, somehow transmitted from his consciousness into mine what I could only identify at the time as a long series of fast-moving, densely compressed images. He then asked me to look down at my body, which was trapped in the inferno far below us. As I did so, he touched my heart. At his touch, I felt a profound compassion for the body's suffering that mysteriously compelled me towards the body at a very high rate of speed, literally slamming me back into it.

I got myself out of the fire and into a shower in another room, to try and put out the flames, then ran from the building, stripped all of my clothing off, as I wasn't sure I had gotten all the flames out, and ran into my neighbor's house and into her shower.

Thus began my journey into the realm of shamanic power and healing. Standing Bear and his four helpers remained visible to me throughout the next months as I endured the painful healing process in a burn unit, touching me, moving their hands over me, chanting, their great hearts beating in unison like a great drum, soothing me. My recovery was remarkably fast, given the seriousness of the burns I had suffered. I attribute that remarkably fast physical recovery to the healing efforts of Standing Bear and his helpers.

Over the two decades since then, I have done my best to honor the pledge I made to Standing Bear during those crucial few moments when I encountered him while out of my body. The pledge involved using my skills as an artist and writer to offer others glimpses of shamanic reality, and to bring forth a new shamanic path for women that was encoded within the many images he transmitted to me. Over the years, those images have slowly unfolded and become part of my conscious awareness. Some of them are paintings, some tales and stories. A great many of them aligned themselves into the feminist shamanic teachings I now offer women.  

My journey has been fraught with difficulty, conflict, and self-doubt, as initially, I had absolutely no frame of reference for understanding what had happened to me. But it has also been rich with experiences of power and healing, of great beauty and of potent, numinous dreams and visions that have helped sustain me throughout the most difficult times. During this journey, I have had two Native American teachers, both women, one very early on, who nearly killed me, and my present mentor, a spiritual elder from one of the Maine tribe. I have a deep sisterly relationship with her that has healed many of the wounds I suffered at the hands of my first teacher. 

Now, at last, I am prepared to offer to others the full scope of what was gifted to me by Standing Bear on that fateful long-ago day. Some of those gifts are offered through this web site, and others through my art and writing sites, to which this site is linked on the home page.

I hope that you are inspired by my story and by my work, to remember who you are; to remember what your sacred responsibilities as a woman have always been, and still are; to find within yourself the strength to act upon those responsibilities, for our Mother the Earth is in great distress. The indignities and outrages to which Earth is daily being subjected are echoed daily in abusive actions towards the women who are manifestations of her sacred Self. To heal the Earth, we must first heal ourselves. Helping women remember how to do that is at the heart of all of my work.

   
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